I stared crestfallen at the lifeless map before us.

“That can’t be… I…” I said, tears gathering in the corners of my eyes, “There’s got to be more, right? This is what Walden was guarding? What kind of bullshit is this?!”

“What do you mean?” said Chrysippus. “We’re free. Free to choose—”

“What if I don’t want to choose! What if I can’t… I don’t know what to do…”

“It’s late and we’ve both been through a lot. Try and get some sleep and let’s figure out what to do together in the morning.”

I felt the hesitation of a gentle, concerned hand make it nearly to my shoulder before thinking better of it. Instead, Chrysippus forced a sincere, but unconvincing smile, “Get some sleep” he repeated.

That night, through fits of insomnia, I dreamt of Eden rotting—the tree of knowledge withered and charred fruits littering its blackened base. I stepped through the grisly scene feeling the weakened earth give way and dried grass disintegrating and evaporating with each of my steps. I remember a powerful thirst and no way to sate it. At the end of the dream, I look out past the crumbling walls of the garden and see nothing but an all-consuming whiteness I do not understand.

I was already awake at first light. The rain had turned the area around our campsite into a sort of bog and I hoped for a morbid moment that with luck it might be quicksand. I could hear Chrysippus stirring next to me, not yet part of this world.

“Where do I go?” I said aloud sighing. I thought back to my time in the workshop and the joy I got from building the automatons. Things are easy when you have no choice—freedom is tyranny. Then I thought about Chrysippus’ trial. “meaning is not something to be found, but to be realized through action,” he had said. I felt the words were true, and while they even prescribed an out to my melancholy. I felt like there was still something missing.

If meaning is found through action, how do I know what action to take to find meaning? In the workshop I chose building over throwing myself into oblivion with the endless supply of giggle pink, but why? Put in the same situation would I choose correctly again?